an Icy State of Mind

Ice skating
I really thought it was my thing
Yet, it was harder than it seems
Unsecured feeling crept under my skin
Every time I step into the rink
Owh, not to forget the adrenaline

Feels like my legs are gonna twist
Every time I move an inch
Feels like my bones are gonna break
Every time my hands are free
Find it hard to achieve stability
As if I'm on a zero gravity

Worst to imagine myself fall
In the middle of the pros all
And I finally stay out of the rink
Once a beautiful blister made its way in
On my rough ankle, it's sticking
And there I go, limping the next morning

I'm bad at this
I know i am
But I'm gonna do it again
I sure am

;)

p/s: Pulau Tioman...I'm coming!! weee~

a Tribute

Ashley, Arfah, Syireen, Kak Mimi, Hanaa, little Nasyrah


Cheryl, Fiza, Ashley, Mimi, Izza, Nadiah, Hanaa, Aisyah, Syireen


And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love but it came to soon
So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
Will we think bout tomorrow like we think bout now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be the shadow that will follow us around?
Will these memories fade when i leave this town?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
As we go on, we remember
all the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever..

Malacca-lacca

Honestly, I'm not a good photographer...and I'm not into History...but here are some souvenirs I brought back to feed your eyes...so, no complain, please! :p

Perigi Hang Tuah....err.. do you have Perigi Hang Syireen??


Let's play.....Roda Impian!!


Menara Taming Sari..(mak...saya gayat!!)


Chuanteknye(cantiknya) kasut itu..


my favourite! say 'keju'....!!!

What are those called?? piring hitam dan pemainnya..??


seterika yang menggunakan arang..jimat eletrik!...but how bout pollution??


The City..well..a quarter of it, actually..


Fellas, I'm begging u please don't ask me what building this is
cuz i totally have NO IDEA!


The Ship Restaurant?? No!! It's Muzium Samudera or The Marine Museum!
Kudos!!

p/s: I told you I'm not a good photographer! and didn't I tell you I'm not into History?? I did! and I'm done! I'm outta here! =)

They Put Smiles On My Face

A week passed by.. a joyful week for me.. tak tau lah kenapa.. tp terasa hati ini terisi sangat2..dengan telatah anak2 kecil yang mengelilingi diri ini..

On Tuesday, I left for Malacca dengan nawaitu untuk menemankan mama yang outstation sorang2 di sana.. dah berapa tahun tak jejak kaki to that historical town.. as usual, setiap kali pergi bercuti, I don't want to a high expectation on anything sebab takut kecewa bila apa yang diexpect tak dicapai.. so for me, "anything also can!".. and there we were, in Malacca, after a 2-hour driving.. while waiting to check-in at 3pm, we ronda2 around the town and isi perut yang dah rancak menyanyikan lagu rock..burp! Alhamdulillah~ then we checked in.. the hotel was okay.. and the rest of the tuesday, kami berehat di bilik selain turun ke cafe di bawah untuk makan.. malam itu, mama told me that there'll be a trip for ahli keluarga pekerja yang ikut.. so, while they're having meeting in the conference hall, kami, anak2 dan para isteri/suami yang ikut and tak buat apa2 ni, boleh la pergi jalan2 beramai2 dengan menaiki van2 yang disediakan.. aturcara masa dan tempat2 yang akan dilawati dah pun berada di dalam tangan.. sambil tengok, sambil fikir.. nak pergi ke taknak?? memandangkan mama cakap yang golongan sebaya saya macam takde yang ikut and yang ikut cuma aunty2 bersama anak2 kecil/muda dari saya, maka, I felt berbelah bahagi untuk ikut serta... hmmmm... kalau ikut, takut boring takde geng yang sekepala untuk berborak.. tapi kalau tak ikut, masyaAllah boringnya duduk sorang2 di hotel!! sampai ke pagi saya fikir.. celik je mata pagi tu, at last, I made up my mind! and I'm going! cuz I hate spending my time alone without doing anything! takde geng pun, takde geng la! dan dari situlah kegembiraan saya bermula..

Luckily, saya dapat menyesuaikan diri dengan aunties di sekeliling.. maniskan mulut memberi senyuman, ringan2kan mulut untuk bercakap dan berborak tentang perkara2 yang sesuai, dan diam bila tak tau nak cakap apa/takde perkara yang sesuai untuk dicakap,..itulah tactic saya! yes, memang anak2 yang para aunty2 bawa semuanya muda dari saya.. terasa diri ini tua pulak tiba2.. tapi nak tau dengan siapa saya paling rapat sepanjang trip tu?? merakalah Imran dan Ayol, kanak2 lelaki yang berusia 7 dan 6 tahun, respectively.. :) mereka very chomel! saya berkenalan dengan Ayol di lobby, sementara menunggu semua orang berkumpul.. Ayol sangat murah dengan senyuman.. tanya nama,senyum.. tanya umur,senyum.. tanya sekolah di mana, senyum... sampai saya tak tau macam mana nak berkomunikasi dengannya.. then saya ternampak seorang lagi kanak2 lelaki yang mempunyai saiz badan yang lebih kurang sama macam Ayol, tapi kecik sikit.. Saya pun persuade Ayol untuk berkawan dengan that boy.. reaksi Ayol macam biasa,senyum...

Semasa bersiar2 sambil snap beberapa keping photos di dalam living museum di Kg Morten,our first stop, saya ternampak seekor kucing betina yang sedang berlegar2 di situ.. teringat Pit and Potty di rumah.. tanpa segan silu, saya terus belai bulu kucing yang gebu tu.. tiba2, ada dua orang manusia menghampiri saya dan kucing tersebut.. owh, Ayol and that boy rupanya.. right on time! hehe! soalan pertama,
"Adik suka kucing??"..
"Suka!", jawab mereka sambil mengangguk perlahan2..
"Adik ada kucing kat rumah??"..
"Ada!", mereka jawab..
dan belum sempat saya menanyakan soalan yang seterusnya, masing2 dah laju bercerita tentang kucing2 masing2 dengan penuh bersemangat dalam nada yang sedikit pelat.. walaupun ada cerita mereka yang saya tak berapa faham, saya cuba untuk dengar dengan penuh khusyuk,sambil senyum dan mengangguk2kan kepala,sambil kadang2 cakap "owh".. bijak sungguh budak2 ni,getus hati..

Back in the van, heading to our next destination, terkejut saya bila ibu Ayol beritahu saya yang Ayol and that boy dah buat temujanji untuk mandi di swimming pool hotel sama2 pukul 5 petang nanti.. aik,tak nampak pun diorang borak2 tadi?? saya pandang Ayol yang duduk di sebelah, minta kepastian.. Ayol tersipu2 senyum..confirm la tu.. dalam hati, saya happy sebab bonding dah terjalin di antara 2 orang kanak2 yang comel ini.. lawatan hari itu diakhiri dengan kami semua lunch bersama2.. barulah saya tau yang that boy namanya Imran.. di meja makan, Imran sanggup duduk jauh sikit dari ibunya semata2 nak duduk makan bersebelahan dengan Ayol.. seronok jugak tengok diorang makan sama2.. cute giler! tak jemu mata memandang.. sempat la juga saya melayan diorang makan.. scoopkan ice-cream untuk diorang, walaupun Imran nak scoop sendiri tapi tangan dia tak cukup panjang.. hehe

Keesokan harinya, masih ada trip macam semalam, but we're going to another different place.. this time, i felt hesitate to join not because of afraid takde geng, but because of gastric yang melanda.. ouch! tapi gagahkan juga diri untuk join memandangkan saya fikir, gastric saya akan bertambah teruk kalau saya terperap dalam bilik sorang2.. sampai di lobby, I saw Imran dan Ayol tengah main kejar2.. tak mampu untuk join mereka,cuma mampu senyum dari jauh aje.. masa tengah leka melihat gelagat diorang, tiba2 diorang berhenti main, dan Imran yang sedang memegang handphone ibunya berbisik sesuatu pada Ayol sambil memandang2 ke arah saya.. "haa...kenapa tu..??", saya tanya mereka dari jauh sambil tersenyum.. barulah mereka berani mendekati saya dan tunjuk screen handphone tu pada saya.. saya ingatkan diorang nak minta nombor telefon saya.. rupa2nya nak tunjuk gambar kucing2 yang Imran bela.. buat suspen je.. dalam van, Imran pindah tempat duduk.. dari duduk di depan dengan ibu dan kakak2nya, dia pindah ke belakang dengan saya,Ayol dan ibu Ayol.. nasib baik muat.. sayang betul Imran pada Ayol,sahabatnya yang baru dikenali semalam.. sepanjang perjalanan, saya tak banyak cakap macam semalam.. saya cuma tumpukan perhatian pada perut yang bila2 masa je akan sakit.. selepas ke Perigi Hang Tuah, kami ke Jonker Street dan Dataran Pahlawan.. and guess what? I love Jonker Street! gastric saya pun dah beransur pulih.. Alhamdulillah.. walaupun cuma dapat beli 1 barang, tapi rasa best sebab dapat cuci mata..and best sebab dapat jalan dengan Imran dan Ayol sambil melayan karenah dan pertanyaan2 mereka tentang mcm2 benda yang kadang2 buat saya tergelak di tengah jalan.. sebelum berpisah, Ayol sempat bubbye saya.. Imran pulak tak tau hilang ke mana.. sedih jugak sebab tak sempat bubbye dia..

Malam itu pulak, saya berkenalan dengan Wafa, kanak2 perempuan yang comel dan kecik molek berusia 6 tahun.. tak sangka pulak saya akan rapat dengan Wafa dengan begitu cepat.. tersentuh saya bila dia panggil "akak,akak.." dengan gaya manjanya dan mengajak saya duduk dengannya.. terharu bila tangannya tak lepas dari menggenggam tangan saya yang kasar ini..

Dalam perjalanan pulang ke KL, banyak silent thoughts yang bersiar2 dalam otak saya ni..

• 14 tahun akan datang, manusia yang bagaimanakah kanak2 ini akan jadi..??
• Kalau saya ditakdirkan memiliki adik/anak kecil, bagaimanakah cara saya melayan mereka??
• Mampukah saya yang banyak kelemahan ini mendidik mereka menjadi insan yang berjaya di dunia dan juga di akhirat??
• Bagaimanakah corak yang akan terhasil daripada kain2 yang putih bersih itu..??

My Weakness Day

I'm home..dalam erti kata yang sebenar.. I moved out of hostel on Friday night, bout the same time as Hanaa and Muhaimin.. the moving out day was even more tiring and stressful than I imagined.. a very long list of thing-to-pack sticking on my mind all day long.. it was a tough day for me, especially when the left part of my head keep on berdenyut like crazy since evening.. painful, very.. yet, the packing up had to go on.. and at the final stage of the day, around 9pm, with kepala yang masih berdenyut tanpa henti, I started to lose myself.. I got very emotional+angry bout some situation that was happening at that time.. and when I get really angry/upset bout someone/something, the only thing I'll do is to lock myself in a room and cry as if it's nobody's business and try to act as cool as possible once the tears have dried..(or if there's no room available for me, I'll just switch to my silent mode and be alone for a while).. so that's what I did.. and it's been long since I did that.. I felt calmer after that.. but regret.. not regret bout the locking up and crying thingy(because that's the way I do to avoid other people from becoming my yelling victim,as well as lifeless thing from flying in the air without their desire) but regret for.....slamming the door! yes, I intentionally slammed the door before i locked it! and I regret it,very.. cause I felt soooo weak and soooo stupid, as a result! Weak because kekuatan yang sebenar adalah pada keupayaan seseorang itu mengawal dirinya ketika marah.. and stupid because the door was so very innocent! Nobody and nothing should be the victim of my anger.. not a single alive/dead thing! pity door.. and yes, I'm the one who should control my anger (who else would??).. and if I get the chance to talk bout the reasons why i got angry with the person that has caused it (lucky enough) and clear up the cloud, i should talk bout it coolly..

so again, I should.......No, I MUST CONTROL MY ANGER!

The Emancipation

At last! The exam is O.V.E.R! Infact, this whole tough, stressful, intimidating, nerve-racking (and all the synonyms there are) course has ended! Phewwwhh! I’m relieved! I’m free!! Wait, NO, NO! I’m TERRIFIED! I’m SCARED!! Cuz the result will be out in, um, 2 months from now! Arghhhh!! Now, I feel like hiding under the kuali, in the almari, under the katil, in a cave, wherever I can hide, where no one can find me ,or at least, know who I am.. a bonus if there are no other talking creature except me, me and me! and most importantly, no internet connection at all costs!(because that’s where we get our result from)! Please! Ya Allah.. tabahkan la hati hambamu ini…

Ok, put that aside.. since the exam is over, saya kehilangan arah! Well, not kehilangan arah as in sesat while driving around KL (cuz that’d be the worst most unwanted thing that could ever happened to me, I tell you!), but kehilangan arah as in I don’t know what to do to waste this super free time I’m having now! till I continue my studies, I’ve few months to kill.. Watch tv all day and night long? Read romantic novels till my eyes become rabun and bengkak caused by the tears I cried? Play game till my laptop blow out? Online till the internet get stuck? Play with Pit and Potty till they throw up their stomach content and I get asthma? Hhmmm… I don’t think so…. Urghh! How I hate boredom!

I feel like doing something that I’ve never done/get chance to do before.. Life is about taking chances, exploring things and gaining experience, at the same time improving oneself inside out.. I have loads of thing on my been-wanting-to-do-list, actually.. Hope that I could turn them into a reality, and not just “warm2 chicken's poop”(hangat2 tahi ayam).. so..let’s just wait and see.. ;)

But for now, I’ve gotta continue pack up my stuff.. our hostel has to be emptied by tomorrow morning.. cuz in the afternoon, the juniors are coming in to take over the house!.. sigh.. Never thought we’d kena halau like this.. Thought we could stay here for another couple of days, and take our own sweet time to pack up and have a fun girl’s day out for the last time before everyone make their way back to negeri masing2.. guess a change in plan is needed.. sigh..(again)..

So.. let’s see…hmmm..where shall I put my can’t-sleep-without pillow??? :p

p/s: owh owh, last Tuesday was my mom’s birthday.. Happy Birthday Mama! Moga Mama dipanjangkan umur, sentiasa dimurahkan rezeki dan dirahmati Allah selalu hendaknya.. Sayang Mama sangat2! Hugs n kisses, XOXO :)