Chemistry isn't just in a class, kiddo.

You can be the apple to my pie

:)

Ya Allah, malunya! *tutup muka*

Petang semalam ketika sedang menunggu masuk waktu solat fardhu Maghrib bagi Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur dan kawasan2 yang sewaktu dengannya.

tenenet-tenenet! *1 message received*.

Tangan terus dialih ke telefon bimbit di atas meja lantas membaca kandungan mesej yg diterima.

Termenung sejenak.

Lalu, tet tet tit tet tit tit..tet...tet.... Pantas jari-jemari memicit keypad di ruangan "Create message" telefon bimbit nipis berwarna putih jenama Nokia.

(Ayat entry kali ni nak skema. So bare with it!)

Setelah habes menaip, butang "Send" ditekan sambil meng-check ayat2 yg telah ditaip. Pendek namun penuh makna. Penuh dengan perasaan pasrah, redha dan sabar. Mungkin.

Sebelum message di-send, perkataan "Insert recipient" terpapar di screen. Oh, aku tak tekan reply rupanya tadi. Patut lah punn dia suruh insert recipient. Ye, aku sedang menggambarkan recipient nye dalam kotak minda ku. Aku pasti siapa recipient nya, pada masa yg sama, otakku sedang me-rewind-rewind isi kandungan message yg bakal di-send.

Terus, laju sahaja tangan ni menari-nari di atas screen telefon bimbit putih itu sambil melihat deretan contacts. Satu contact telah di"select" di bawah pengaruh luar sedar, tanpa berfikir panjang lantas butang "Send" terus ditekan.

Message sent.

Message delivered to......

ehhh?? Biar betul!!

Inbox di-check utk mendapatkan kepastian.

Ya ALLAHH!! Biar betull??!!!

Aku salah send msg!!! Camne boleh ter-send kat dia!!!

Ya Allahhh!!! Malunyeee!!!

Seperti kelam dunia ku ketika itu. Seperti gelap gelita. Seperti aku tidak berada di dunia yg nyata.

Tolong cakap ini mimpi! tolong cakap ini mimpi!

Oh tidak, aku tak mimpi. Ini reality.

Mesej telah diterima oleh org yg salah. .

Apa aku nak buat ni, apa aku nak buat ni!

Sumpah malu-gila-sampai-rasa-macam-nak-tutup-muka-dengan-tudung-saji!

Ligat otakku mencari2 jawapan, camne lah aku boleh tertekan nama dia, camne lah aku boleh tak sedar..?? Lain yg otak aku cakap, lain yg tangan aku buat. Ya Allahh. Kenapa niiii??

Terkejut housemate ku mendengar jeritan ku. Menggelabah gila! Sakit tekak jerit, sampai terguling-guling atas karpet sambil menutup muka dengan kedua belah telapak tangan, dan mulut masih tidak berhenti-henti menjerit dan diselang seli dengan perkataan "Ya Allah", "Camne ni!", "Kenapa ni!". Pastu jerit lagi.

Mcm lah kalau jerit sampai berdarah tekak, mesej tu boleh patah balik ke phone aku. Nasik dah jadi bubur! Urghh! Frust dgn diri sendiri. Terkeluar perkataan "I hate myself" dari mulutku lantas ku terus beristighfar.

Alunan merdu azan Maghrib dari kaca televisyen menenangkan ku.

Terbaring aku lemah disitu setelah kepenatan menjerit dan berguling-guling di atas karpet di ruang menonton di hostel ku yang kecik tapi selesa.

Dalam benakku terfikir, mungkin penerima tak diundang itu sudah baca mesejku. Me-rewind kembali bait2 ayat yg ditulis. Memang penerima tak diundang tu akan faham dgn apa yg ditulis dengan hanya skali baca je. Dia seorang yang bijak pandai. Cepat pick-up. Bukan seperti aku yg kadang2 blur tak tentu pasal.

Tapi out of hundreds of people on my contact list, kenapa dia yg aku tersalah tekan?? Salah otak ku kah?? Salah tangan ku kah?? Salah kecuaianku kah?? Salah kedunguan ku kah??

Tidak ingin ku membenarkan org lain baca mesej itu selain penerima yang sah. Tidak ingin ku memberitahu perasaan ku kepada manusia yg sudah menjadi asing. And most of all, biarlah penerima tak di undang tu jadik org yg terakhir tau tentang isi hatiku. Tetapi. kini dia sudah tau.

Ya Allah, aku malu! Rasa nak nanges pun ada! Tak suka.

Harapanku selepas ini, mudah-mudahan tak cuai lagi. Bantulah hamba-Mu yang kerdil lagi hina ini, Ya Allah... Ameen.

Takpe :)

Well, it lasted only for a week. Yes, A WEEK! 7 and a half days to be precise. No joking, seriously.

I knowww..! Kejap GILA kannn!

Haha.

Malas nak publish, malas nak jwb soalan publicly. Hati pihak yg belah sana tu pun kena jaga jugak. Kang takut terburukkan mana2 pihak tanpa disedari, takut nnt ada org terasa hati ngan ayat yg ditulis ke hape ke, tak pasal2 makin bertambah dosa yg dah sedia bertimbun beribu kilo ni. Who knows kann. Ahh, per-malas-kan! So, terus hide! Habes cerita. Haha

Dugaan ohhh dugaan.

...After about an hour tukar relationship status...

tetiba chat box popped out.

Dah ada manusia tanyee. Dayemm!

I love you stalker! haha

Then kawan2 rapat tanya.

Aww.. Korg memang sgt amat mengambil berat! Walaupun aku tak publish and kecoh2 kat fb wall tapi korg notice je kannn? Terharu gila lah weii ada org still care pasal aku. Thanks korang! :D

Yg peliknye, aku tak nanges pun semasa dan selepas waktu kejadian. Aku okay je, tapi korang plak yg nak sedih2, rasa risau, rasa bersalah berbagaiii. Jangan lah mcmniii. Kang aku nanges bukan sebab rasa kehilangan, tapi sebab dgr ayat korg yg mcm "Syireen kena kuat taw.. Syireen jgn risau tau.. Syireen itu.. Syireen ini.. " Hahaha. Ayat korangggg memang menyentuh kalbu! Sayang korang! Tapi aku still okay, masih mampu tersenyum. So korang pun kena senyum jugak! TIADA KOMPROMI! :)

Mama orang yg first tau pasal berita nii, as usual lah kann. I LOVE YOU Mama! :) Tetiba pagi besoknya tuuu, dalam kereta, Ayah bg kata2 semangat free! Tanpa dipinta. Ayah cakap, "Kalau someone tu betul2 sayang kte, thru good and bad pun, dia mesti akan stay ngan kte" and "You don't worry, jodoh kte dah ditentukan.. Kadang2, tak payah carik pun akan datang sendiri.."

Ecehh, Ayah niii, mcm tau2 je anak pompuan dia yang sorang ni baru pas break up semlm. padahal seingat ingatan yg tak berapa nak kuat ni, takde cite kat Ayah punn. Cite kat Mama je. Haaa. Ayah pasang telinga ehhh. Kantoiii ;P

Tapi ayat Ayah yg paling best yg sampai bikin gelak:

"Kalau dia dtg pastu nak blah, org mcm tuuu...BOLEH BLAH!!"

Hahahaha. Ayah...Ayah... Not bad at giving kata2 semangat. Not bad at all... Am proud of you!

Ohhh THANK YOU ALLAH *Grins from ear to ear*

Tutup buku. Selesai satu cerita. Walaupun tak sempat nak habeskan Bab Pertama. Tapi takpe :)

Moral of the Story

Truth is not contingent upon one's belief in it,

altered by the words one chooses to describe it,

or wounded if neglected.

Because in the end, there it is.

Truth stands out clear from error.

O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth. {Al-Ahzaab 33:70}

So you think avoiding is the solution?

Here’s an issue that has come up this week. … but first a question: Who are YOU avoiding in your life? Are you avoiding your ex? Are you avoiding an old friend you had an argument with? Have you cut ties with someone in your family?

Do you REALLY believe avoidance is solving your problem?

If you answered yes, think again … I can assure you … all you are doing by avoiding someone is ensuring that you yourself will never have full healing and peace, and you will never have everything you want in life. In fact, I guarantee it.

Fear Builds Walls.

If you are avoiding someone (building walls), you are TERRIFIED. And lest you deceive yourself, let’s make this very clear: your avoidance is not about them. The person you are scared of is YOURSELF. Anything you don’t like in somebody else is nothing more than a projection … of what you hate about yourself.

Yep. That’s the truth. There’s no point arguing with me about this, because it won’t change the reality. If you were truly a fearless person, living your life fully in your strength, always communicating with power and authenticity, living in perfect love, you would not have any reason to avoid ANYONE.

So if you are avoiding someone … if you are avoiding anyone … you have a LONG way to go to reach full empowerment.

Or … you can save yourself years of misery and take the short path … pick up the phone and call the person you’ve been avoiding. Send him or her an email to reconnect. Otherwise, prepare to keep suffering, cuz that’s what will happen if you insist on continuing your avoidance strategies.

This is tough love, folks. It’s time for you to reconnect with exactly the people who most want to avoid. Don’t do it because I said so. Do it because it is the most powerful thing you’ll ever do FOR YOURSELF. Your whole life is going to take a quantum leap in the direction of fulfilling your fondest dreams when you stop avoiding anyone.

I’m working with a man who had mentioned several times that he was upset and frustrated because he kept emailing his ex, and she was not responding to his emails. Yet in the same call, he mentioned that he was not responding to another woman’s communications with him. Why? Because he was judging the woman he was avoiding as “weak.” She “made him uncomfortable.”

Well, I explained a very simple, yet very powerful, concept. Life is a mirror. So when he judges and avoids the woman who “makes him uncomfortable,” he invites other people (like his ex) to do the same thing to him. And he keeps himself unhealed. Because whatever it is he doesn’t like in the woman he is avoiding is something that he hates about himself. If he avoids her, he deprives himself of an opportunity to get clarity and healing for whatever aspect of himself he is not yet accepting. I told him that if he wanted his ex to start communicating, he must start communicating with the woman he was avoiding.

Sure enough, he sent me an email today saying that, almost immediately after he started communicating again with the woman he had been avoiding, his ex stopped avoiding him and responded to his email.

This is karma, folks. And unless you understand how it works, it will bite you in the ass. You won’t understand why your problems are not getting solved because you are not looking where you need to look. In fact, you are AVOIDING exactly the place you need to be exploring.

See what I mean?

Do you see how fast this healing process can happen when you stop avoiding people and face things instead?

The most important thing to realize, and why I repeat it over and over again, is that there is only one person in this world you can hate and avoid: YOURSELF. Do you really want to continue hating and avoiding yourself?

(Article taken from the Internet)

p/s: Okayyy, saya dah taknak avoid sesape dah pasniii -_-"

Another Brick in the Wall

Hi! I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone. Leave me a message and if I don't call back, it's you. HAHA

And please dont ever simply barge in the kedai makan while I'm having dinner with friends. Sumpah tak ready lagi weiiii. Seriously.

And don't ask others why I'm avoiding you, instead ask yourself, you'll definitely find the answer. Not sure of it? Ask me personally lahhh! Apa susah sangatt?! Ya Allah..

Last but not least, a couple of words to remember: If a girl starts avoiding you, leave her alone for a while. If you still want to be friends, talk to her. Tapi jangan lah terus attack dia, at least, let her know that you are going to meet her for whatever reason you have. Now that's a smart way to avoid her from running away without a short notice. Tak payah nak "tadaa!" sangatt boleh tak??

Put me in a fight-or-flight situation, my adrenaline will switch the gear to an immediate take off. Bon voyage! Talk to you in 6 months or a year or two, perhaps, insha Allah.

Hehe.

Post CNY, teringat Calvin.

Cuti CNY dah habes. Tak payah nak nanges2, tak payah ngada2 nak buat2 demam, tak payah bazir air liur nak merungut2, bagi lah alasan pape pun, in the end, kena balik shah alam jugak! Sighh. Kemalasan melanda diri.

...Minggu ni didedikasikan khas untuk kuiz, assignment, presentations dan meeting.

Semalam ada 3 kuiz. Hari ni ada 1 kuiz, 1 presentation. Besok ada meeting. Pastu assignment lagi, lagi dan lagi. Dan present lah lagi, lagi dan lagi. Terima kasih cikgu!

Now tgh tunggu Mimi habes meeting. Cepatlah habes Mimi oiii. Aku laparrr!

Time stress2 camni, tetiba teringat kat komik Calvin & Hobbes. Korang penah baca tak komik tuu?? Alaa. Yg selalu terpampang kat dalam surat khabar tuu. Yang comel2 tuu. Sape yg tak penah kenal si budak Calvin nii, pasni sila pegi kedai, beli suratkhabar The Star/NST, pastu carik lah dia kat dalam tu okayy! InsyaAllah ada..Kalau malas gi kedai, google sajeee. hehe. Aku kalau dapat suratkhabar, memang terus attack bahagian komik dulu. Dah tak nampak benda lain dahh. Apa jadik kat dalam dunia pun aku tak tau. Teruk kann?? Tetiba terasa nak berubah. Kena start baca paper, dan amek tahu hal2 dunia. Sampai bila nak jadik katak arnab bawah tempurung?? (Eh?? Arnab muat ke kalau nak sumbat bawah tempurung?? Err. Baby arnab boleh kott.)

Tadi masa tgh jawab quiz, teringat this one strip yg aku penah baca. Kelakar kott. Tersengih sorang2 mcm orang gila. Nasib baik takde orang nampak. Ni semua si budak Calvin tu punya pasal! Sengal. Korang baca lah sendiri. Ok bye! :)

Question: What happened in Concord in 1775?

Calvin wrote: Let's be honest. You're asking me about Concord? I rely on the bus driver to find my own house from here. Concord could be on Neptune for all I know. And what happened 220 years ago? I'm a kid. I don't know what's going on NOW. I don't have a shred of context for any of this. It's hopeless, Miss Wormwood, hopeless.

Calvin said: We both try to demoralize each other :D

Terbaik ye Calvin!

Syabass!